Even though our dumpworkers’ union, IHOP (Idiot's Hive of Onanism and Pederasty), has been somewhat emasculated by Cheesey’s refusal to negotiate with us in other than Klingon; I nevertheless have been making steady progress in organizing the dumpworkers. My major activity has been collections. As the dumpworkers leave on Friday I hit them up (in cash) for their union dues (5% of their gross) and our birthday-cake fund ($5). Every month I also squeeze them for their pension contribution (up to 10%), our strike-fund contribution ($50), our political activism fund ($10), our apprentice education fund ($8), and our bookie’s vigorish ($25). All this money goes into a Vanguard money market fund opened by me as the only signer. Although it is against union policy, I also comingle these funds to maximize the interest return … which is then swept once a week into my own Vanguard retirement fund.
I find this arrangement very satisfying and will fight to the death to insure that our union grows bigger and stronger for the benefit of our workers.
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Bring us your soggy crackers and crumpled paper yearning to be composted, your old cardboard and plastic bottles huddling in your garage. This is the dump; its not just our job, it is who we are: Dumpsterguys
