As your business agent for our union, IHOP (Interracial Haulers of Putridity), I am obliged to call a job action in response to Russ Limberger (AKA, the Big Cheese) and his manic attempt to cause electrodes to be attached to some of our family jewels. His abhorrent actions signify his panicked state of mind and his waxing alchoholic dementia. As a consequence of this documented misfeasance, I have been authorized by our cherished union to demand that we members of IHOP:
1) Refuse to report to work here at the dump before 10 AM each day
2) Refuse to wear, under our overalls, the lace panties and fish-net stockings that Cheesey has edicted
3) Refuse to chant Gragorian paeans in front of Cheesey’s desk every Friday afternoon
4) Refuse to perform gratis any more work on Cheesey’s house or his Hummer
5) Refuse to give the “sieg heil” salute anytime Cheesey enters a room
Your union will back you (and I) in these actions and will bring the full force of the haulers of putridity union down of our boss’s headbone if he tries to break our resolve in this matter.
Signed,
George C.
Business Agent, IHOP
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Bring us your soggy crackers and crumpled paper yearning to be composted, your old cardboard and plastic bottles huddling in your garage. This is the dump; its not just our job, it is who we are: Dumpsterguys
