Protest this!

We get a lot of protesters at the dump.  One group of rabid tree-huggers don't like the way we "recycle" plastic by dumping it in the outer harbor.  The PETA nutjobs like to harass citizens wearing fur coats, sometimes flinging fake blood on them.  Another  group objects to the used plutonium take-and-leave section.  They call it a hazard.     Former employees keep showing up brandishing "Unfair and Unsanitary" signs and yelling uncomplimentary personal epithets about my weight and hygiene on a bullhorn.   Ok, so what if we are sexist, discriminatory and out to get rich on the backs of slave labor?  We believe in hooters, beer, steamers and rock 'n roll.   Are we to blame if we hate kids, dogs, priests, and people who make loud and unnecessary noise?  

WE have a designated fenced in protest area, over on the Needham line, near the used diaper dumpster.  The protestants complain that the odor is noisome, and that no one can see or hear their protests. (Duh).   I tell them to go back to their homes and write letters to the Secretary of Trash in Washington, DC. 

Often, when they think we are distracted, like when we are on break, drinking Gin 'n Tonics in the office, cadres of them will sneak out of the Protest Pen and accost citizens as they drop-off their "trash".   (See below for philosophical musings on the nature of expired treasures.)

At the Dump, our  biggest beef is with  is people who make unnecessary noise or  who intentionally interfere with traffic.  We believe that civilization is about consideration for others.    We do not turn our boomboxes up, or ride down the street playing rap music on huge bass loudspeakers. We never  talk loudly on cell phones in public.  We turn off our diesel engines when we are not operating the machinery.  We seldom honk our automobile horns (the only two exceptions 1) an accident is imminent or 2) to celebrate the end of a war).

So, you can imagine how we feel about protesters wandering around the grounds unsupervised.  They tend to violate both of our chief annoyances.  They block traffic and make noise.  

That is, they used to - before Lardass came up with the  Protestor Attenuation Device (PAD).  
Actually, the PAD is nothing more fancy than  a front-end-loader with jagged spikes affixed to the front blade.   When the racket gets too much to take, I send LA out to the yard in the PAD with a snootful of gin 'n tonics in him.  

Once we get the noisy masses corralled into the protest area,  we bombard them with piss-bombs, fashioned from used condoms filled with cat urine.   This pretty much spoils their little party.