Dear Ms DF

Due to popular acclaim, we have revived a popular feature of the old blog that we call Ask Ms Dumpfucks. We get tons of mail (dumpsterguys@aol.com) asking us for advice on recycling and disposal. And lately we are getting questions on other subjects. So, we thought - why not give out advice on dating, stock market investing and social behavior also? Here is a sampling of recent Qs and As

Dear Ms Dumpf*ck:
Q: I have a nagging rectal itch. It seems to go away when I smear it with peanut butter and get the dog to lick it off. Do you think this is a deviant behavior? Should I seek professional help? signed : Itchy in Natick
A: Dear Itchy, Yes, you should be ashamed. Peanut butter is not good for dogs. You should smear your scabby ass with wet purina dog chow. The healing power of canine saliva is one of the smelly little secrets that Vets don't talk about.

Dear Ms DF:
I have a friend who has a get away place in Rhode Island. Recently when we planned to visit, one of the other friends asked for a ride, then at the last minuite said they needed to bring their dog. I declined and now they won't speak to me.
What should I do?
A: Fuck em. They are the evil ones. Enjoy the silence.

Dear Ms Dumpfuck,
My sons and nephew were shot and killed by american soldiers recently and my homes have been destroyed by weapons of total destruction, like Stealth Bombers, and bunker buster bombs. So, I am thinking career change. Do you think the best franchise opportunity in US is in Tire repair and auto lubrication or Teeth Whitening? I have a few K of american dinars oops I mean dollars. Thanks, I like your tits. SH

A: Take a picture it lasts longer, you pervert. Glad the evil spawn are dead. You should
take an ice pick and lunge it deep into your eye, so it gets into the brain. Your best occupational bet is tire repair and lubes. Or arabic coffee bars.