To honor American values the dump will be open all day today. Bring us your garbage yearning to be dumpstered. Give us your stinking trash bags full of cat dung and baby diapers. Recycle your used condoms (we simply rinse them out and invert them to use both sides. We got the idea from Martha. Its such a good thing to conserve natural resources of latex).
We do not believe in holidays. We think you are lucky to have a job you whining, spoiled brats! In stead of a paid day off, you should go to the plant and work for free to show your appreciation. For christ sakes, your company is not some socialist experiment to make you happy. The company exists to line the pocketbooks of wealthy investors. Last time I checked, I counted 24 hours in each and every day, and 7 days in the week. Sure you need 8 hours of sleep every day, but that leaves 16 hours a day available for work.
We love what we do. We would do it for free. Working at the dump is considered a priviledge not a right. We have no affirmative action program, but we admittedly demonstrate a preference for attractive women with big breasts, regardless of nationality, religious affiliation or sexual orientation.
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Bring us your soggy crackers and crumpled paper yearning to be composted, your old cardboard and plastic bottles huddling in your garage. This is the dump; its not just our job, it is who we are: Dumpsterguys
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