To: All Dumpfucks
From: DFM
This is to remind you of the generous DumpFuck Employee Pacification (DFEP) benefit that is mandatory for all workers regardless of odor, girth or need for male enhancement. Nurse Rahshit will be on site tomorrow for a short-arm inspection and a brief counseling session with each of you. Where necessary, she will administer electronic shock treatments with her battery operated fully immersable Pacification apparatus.
Not to point anyone out, or cause undue embarrassment, it seems clear that George is laying inadvertant claim to the title of "Bull-Goose-Looney" and is obviously long overdue for his quarterly jolt. I see where he has posted a highly embellished version of his recurring nightmare about random acts of voting. Perhaps it was the meds talking, but we in management see this type of trash-talking graffiti as an act of lewd insubordination. You cannot run a dump with 5th columnists pushing feathers up the weather vane.
There will be an extra Krispy Kreme for the loyal employee who delivers George to Nurse Rahshit's dumpster first thing tomorrow morning. Hogtied and gagged gets you extra points and a large dark roast coffee in a pristine "good-as-new" decorative go-cup.
That is All,
The Manager
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Bring us your soggy crackers and crumpled paper yearning to be composted, your old cardboard and plastic bottles huddling in your garage. This is the dump; its not just our job, it is who we are: Dumpsterguys
