Many are Cold but few are frozen

They say that making love to a woman using only your dick is like attempting calligraphy with a magic marker. Actually I read that in a so-called "Men's Health" magazine while I was waiting for my haircut tonight.
Ok, I know what you are thinking: You go to a salon for a haircut! (No decent barber shop would have anything to read besides out dated copies of the Boston Herald, Mad Magazine and Field and Stream.)
Go ahead and mock. I probably would have joined in to the derision and mockery too, back when I was puerile and self conscious. Judging from your coiffure, you probably get your wife to cut your hair. Anyway, that's how it looks.
But so not confuse my visit to the hairdresser as evidence of poofery. I simply need to look good, so I go to a trusted tonsoril artist, not some mere trimmer of nose hairs.

I try not to be too vain, but let's face it: I look like someone who ought to be in charge. A thick head of silver gray hair, a noble chin, the aroma of aqua velva, clothes that were obviously not bought at Burlington coat factory. The sight of myself in a mirror almost makes me want to genuflect.
Oh Yes, I do comprehend the effect I have on women. Many desperate housewives show up at the dump, pretending to be interested in part-time work, but I know they are really looking for my guided missile of love. I give them some test dick-tation, and afterwards send them back to their affluent mansions with a promise of a future intercourse - oops I mean interview.

I don't seem to be getting any complaints about my technique. I don't care what the Magazine articles say about the fact that wimmen prefer a firm tongue over a broomstick missile of love. You will not see me putting my face down around the "naughty bits". Shirley, God meant that unsightly and noisome area, located next to the poopshoot, as the province for the magic marker.

Now since this blog has opened up to the rabble, George Clooney has revived the names of a lot of former denizens of the dump. This is dangerous. As I remember it, most of them did not like him very much. Especially Vernon.