Macadamy Awards

Why should Hollywood have all the fun?
Here at the Dump, we have a tradition of recognizing the best and cleanest among us for performance that rises above the bubble and scum of the "merely acceptable" job. We are a competitive dump team. We work hard, we play hard. And when the dust clears at the end of the day, we go home. Get drunk. Get laid. Eat dinner. (although not always in that order) Just like you.

I happen to be the sole arbitor and chairman of the awards committee. Congratulations to the winners:

Best Musical Score - Rajeed, who found a crate containing 6 brand new Tubas at the take and leave. We traded them for a refurbished Bose Home theater which we installed in the Cobb house. Rajeed also receives points for Best Pet at the Take your pet to work competition. Cindee his white Bengal tiger had to be put down as a maneater (technically a child-devourer, but who wants to split hairs at a time like this?) last month. Rajeed had Cindee preserved as a rug.

Best Actor - Bill, who called in sick three hundred and ten times last year, and he sounded sick each and every time.

Best Picture - Ty Cobb. Pretty good pitcher too.

Most Anti Gay Marriage - George, who defines sodomy as "a crime too heinous to define."

Worst Case of Anal Warts - Lonny. There were no other nominees.

Good nite and thanks for watching.