Marching to The Polls

Today is "Super Tuesday" to the presidential hopefuls and hangers-on, because there are so many delegates on the line in the big-state primaries. Here at the dump, located in the western suburbs of Boston, there is little doubt about the presidential fave.

The assumptive winner John Kerry continues to point to his 4 months in Viet Nam as the qualifications to be president. But, I cannot help thinking about his voting record on the big issues of our times. And his attendance at the job he is currently sworn to do is pitiful. I am unsure what he stands for. He has missed hundreds of roll call votes this session.

Edwards, that weasel trial lawyer would look good, if it weren't for the fact that I suspect he is a phony bastard just like the rest of them. Sharpton? Naw, he might make a good animal control officer, but not President of the Free World. I forget the other guy's name - Kucinitch.

Some of The Dumpfucks were sitting around the Cobb house enjoying a well-earned coffee break.
Lardass, Bill and Rajeed were reading the paper.
Rajeed said, "Let's go to vote on our lunch hour."
"Screw it," I said. "What's the point in actually voting? It's a waste of time. Kerry will win his home state. No Point in it."
Lardass agreed, "Like Utah Phillips said, 'If God had wanted us to vote, he'd have given us decent candidates'."
Bill said, "I don't vote. Do you know how many germs collect in those voting booths. And the people who work the polls - they look sick!" Bill was our resident bacteriaphobe.
Lardass retorted, "Ok Detective Monk, let the democratic ideals be sabotaged by OCD."
Just then, George came in. We told him of our general apathy about voting.
"I see." he mused, "But what about the special state senatorial race?" He reminded us that there was a vote on candidates to replace the outgoing senator who had resigned her sworn dutues to become more active in Lesbian affairs. Apparently, gender issues were more important than her vow to uphold democracy.

"Did you dumpfucks know that one of the candidates is very upset that the state refuses to pay for trans-gender operations for prison inmates?" George sat back and let that thought sink in.

Suddenly civic duty hit us like a lightning bolt. We all rushed out and jumped in the van. Lardass left a 25 foot strip of rubber in our haste to get to the polls and vote for the other guy.