Bill's Tee Shirt Idea

I was sitting at my desk, googling the phrase "Piping Plovers Taste Like Chicken" -wondering if there are any decent recipes posted on the web. I had a dozen frozen carcasses in the freezer - a gift from an appreciative landfill customer.

When Bill came through the door of the FEMA trailer that I call my office, I was surprised. He was wearing surgical gloves and a mask to protect him from the dangerous bacteria that lurked everywhere. I wasn't surprised at his outfit; I was not expecting him. he had not showed up for work ever since he heard about the asbestos contamination in FEMA trailers. (I figure what the hell - we got it for nothing. And you gotta die of something...)

"Who's here today?" Bill asked looking warily toward Lardass's chair. He took off his wet coat and sort of threw it at a hook. The coat made a wet mark on the wall and slid to the floor.

"Nobody," I replied, "Nobody wants to work in the rain. They all called-in "not-available" already."


"It's fucking raining torrents out there."

"So, what are you doing here?" I didn't mention the fact that he had never been re-hired and has not recieved a paycheck in years.

He took off his mask so I could see him grinning. "I have an idea."
Ever the master on non-verbal communication, I rolled my eyes and nodded for him to get on with it.
"I have a new slogan: we need to get T-shirts and hats that say, "I enjoy a good dump"




"You dolt!" I shouted. "Clooney had that idea years ago, but someone else already had the patent on it. "
"No - his slogan was 'I'm Down in the Dumps' it was about computer memory printouts or something like that."

"Whatever. It's already been used. Goodbye. " I turned back to my Google searching.



Deflated, with limp sails, Bill picked up his coat and headed out the door.
"But.."
"OUT!" I yelled.
Finally, he was gone.

I thought to myself, I really ought to get rid of Bill, he's way too obsessed with shit. I remember one time when he mentioned that as a student at BU he had taken a course in Scatology. When I asked him how he did in that course he said "I got an incomplete; I didn't turn in my feces."

But, how the heck can you fire some who you already fired two years ago?