Back from my Travels

In case you haven't noticed, I've been away for the past six weeks on my world dump tour.

I felt almost like a stranger as I drove the trusty old Hummer through the RDF gates this morning. It was good to be back, to see the gang again. Perhaps in my absence they had learned to appreciate me - or at least respect my leadership.

Anyone who has visited the dump in the past is well aware of my management challenges.

Clooney - Pedantic, arrogant and elitist. An Ivy League Frat Boy who once worked on Wall Street. He is alleged to have caused several men and a chimpanzee to commit suicide. His main contribution is to question my every decision and correct every little gramitical or speling misteak.

Bill - hypochondriac, germophobic, and a complainer. He was once a creative genius but gave it up to raise horses and weeds on a farm with his "wife." He calls in sick if he thinks someone else is sick. He won't sit in a seat that Lardass has used without wiping it down with purelle.

Lardass - a large doughy fellow with a high tolerance for grime and a disturbing case of gingivitis. Often accompanied by a lingering noisome miasma due to his nonexistent hygiene and poor sense of smell. Immorally analytical, he often seems to stumble into moments of remarkable lucidity. We can't tell if he is as wise as Shakespeare or dumb as a bag of rags.

Dee Two - the old new guy. Has the look and accent of an Asian, but is in fact a Canadian citizen. I used to save money by paying him in Loonies; now he is more highly paid than the others.

Achmed - The new new guy. From the Mideast. Obsequious and grateful for the job. Believes that if there is a God, he made humans mainly as entertainment to watch us fight.

This is the staff that they expect me to run the dump with. A bunch of rag tag workers who would rather sit around the office all day shooting the bull and arguing than do the work of the dump.