The State Of The Dump 2006

I was sitting at my desk in the small shack that we call "the office" this morning when the dumpfucks came in for first break. I glanced up at the old schoolroom clock that Lardass had fished out of a dumpster. It was half past VII O'clock.

"Well lookie who's here?" said Bill. He was being sarcastic as usual because I generally do not arrive before VIII or sometimes even IX.
Hey, I am the fucking boss. So it's no one's business - I come and go when I please. The grunts (The Dumpfucks) have to come in early (VI -sharp) and open up the gates.
That's the way I run things. If you don't like it you can take your shit somewhere else.

I gave Bill a sharp, managerial look. "I'm doing performance reviews today, Skeezix. Got any more reasons for not giving you a bonus?" I smiled my most cheshire smile. He shut up, as I knew he would. He is such a brown nosing suck-up when money is involved.

George looked at me over his granny glasses and shouted, "I've got a few reasons why Bill should not get a bonus."

"Yah, I bet you do. But, guess what? No one is asking you."
" 'Smatter? You don't want any peer performance input?"
"Sure. That's what we need here: Democratically elected bonuses. " I intoned with some dramatic nuance. "While we are at it maybe we should start asking the rank and file how much you should get for being such a pedantic, dogmatic idealogue."
"No need to be hurling redundant insults."
"Huh!"
"Nevermind."
"Come on, let's ask them!" Me all smiling and nodding.
"I said Nevermind. Ok?" George frowning and pretending to be reading his paper.

The reason he suddenly wanted to drop the subject is because he remembers a few years back when he accidentally set fire to all the cash filled bonus envelopes (which I was hiding in the stovepipe because I didn't have a safe). No one spoke to him for a month.
The irony of the topic had suddenly dawned on him.

Soon the room was filled with crewmembers - all looking for their little envelopes. Since the holocaust incident, I have not been giving cash. Now it is Kohls gift cards. (Most of the crew are over 60, so they get an additional discount.)
==
Someone recently asked me "Who still works here [at the dump]. I replied, "Hardly any of them." No, seriously, here is the roster of current staff:
ME - the DFM. Owner and Manager. Searcher for Truth.
George - resident grouch and politically incorrect conservative.
Lardass - real name = Vernon. Doing the jobs no one wants and smells like it.
Bill - germophobic but won't go anywhere without his dog. Rehired a few months ago at half pay. Currently on probation.
Lefty - Also returned to the staff after an unsuccessful attempt at becoming a professional sleep disorder test subject. (Replacement for Rajeed who was mauled by a Bengal Tiger and has gone to Paris to have an ass and elbow transplant.)
Hobart Melancholy - Intern on sabbatical leave while he researches dumps in the middle east and North Africa for his PHD.
I am interviewing for a couple of open slots, if you know anyone who is looking for a lowpaying job where you can enjoy the outdoors and not work too hard.
==
After the envelopes were distributed, there was the usual muttering about the small size of the bonus Gift Cards($25). But each one of them knew in their hearts, that any bonus - however paltry - was more than they deserved.