New Ideas for a National Holiday

It was a desultory day at the dump. A hazy sun sporadically succeeded in shouldering its way through an otherwise murky cloud cover. The humidity was oppressive. It felt damp in my office even with the A/C clattering disappointingly in the window.

The lads came in for their afternoon break. As usual George was first through the door and after grunting a salutary "Boy it's fucking hot - even in here" as a greeting, he headed for "his" chair in the corner under the overhead lamp. Bill was right behind, using his elbows to keep the door from closing, and not touching the door knob. Lardass brought up the rear, yakking as usual.

"So, here's my idea. You know how the courts are clogged with cases where people are trying to get damages for wrongs done by others. Well, my idea is to have a national holiday called Payback Day.
On Payback Day you can get even with anyone who has done you wrong with immunity."

"I like it," said George, "only it should last a month, like Ramadan."

"You must have a lot of people to get even with." I conjectured.

"Only asshole bosses," he winked to the others, with that evil grin of his. I ignored this thinly veiled threat.

"I think we need a national day of quiet." I said. "People would be forbidden to use noisy machinery, or make any noise that disturbs others. Motorcycles would be grounded. Chainsaws silenced. Barking dogs would be slain by bow and arrow. Carping wives would be locked in a closet. Cement truck drivers would have to turn off their idling diesel motors. If your car alarm goes off, the car would be seized....

LA and George had dozed off.

"How come we don't have a holiday to honor our furry friends? Bill wondered. "We have Mothers Day and Fathers Day. How about Pets Day?"

The question hung like the rank miasma over a dung pile at dawn.