The Glass Ceiling

Ok, I admit it, I made a mistake. The outsourcing-the-dump approach was an imperfect idea. I was thinking about the bottom line. Thinking outside the box. You know, trying to re-engineer our infrastructure processes to save money. Noble as the cause was, it just didn't catch on.

This morning I had threatening phone calls on my answering machine. (Most of them sounded like Lardass using a dirty rag to cover the phone mouthpiece.) The board of directors called an emergency meeting to discuss the situation. My ass was on the line. Customers were bitching about the cost of UPS-ing their trash to India. I was accused of being an idiot.

Lardass and the guys were marching around with plaquards that read "Unfair to Employees!" and chanting, "What do we want?"
The chorus replied: "Garbage "
"Where do we want it?"
" Here!"

So I caved. The gates were opened. UPS was instructed to return all shipments. And I called each citizen in town to apologize. But Lardass was not satisfied.
"No one has been promoted around here in years." he complained.
"Hey, I have a budget..."
"Yeah, and you bring in this new guy, Rajeed. He's not even a citizen."
"True, but he does ten times more work that any of the rest of you homeboys."
"He's Illegal. I'm calling ATF," said his lardness.
"Go ahead, but I think INS is the outfit you are thinking of. Besides he has a green card."
"From India?"
"Nope," I replied smugly, "He's a Canadian citizen, born in Toronto. Besides, I pay him in Canadian dollars."