Friday, June 20, 2003
Not that anyone gives a sweet shit
But, I'm going fishing for a week or so. Get your blogfix somewhere else. Check back on July 1.
Sunday, June 15, 2003
Dads Day at the Dump
We had a cookout today at the dump. The place was mobbed. I made the mistake of extending the invitation to all my illigitimate children. I had forgotton how many of the little bastards there were. Cripes I should bottle this stuff and sell it for big bucks.
I feel like kicking myself when I think of all of the unpaid squirts that have gone down the drain. At least during college, I made serious coin donating my love juice to the sperm bank.
The ATM down there is a pretty spooky thing too. You don't just stick your card in to do deposits, if you know what I mean.
We grilled those big italian sausages at the cookout, which I knew all of my former lovers would crave.
I feel like kicking myself when I think of all of the unpaid squirts that have gone down the drain. At least during college, I made serious coin donating my love juice to the sperm bank.
The ATM down there is a pretty spooky thing too. You don't just stick your card in to do deposits, if you know what I mean.
We grilled those big italian sausages at the cookout, which I knew all of my former lovers would crave.
Thursday, June 12, 2003
Recycle - It makes you feel good
Recycling a pile of cardboard boxes is more satisfying than anything you can sniff or inhale. The rush to the brain, knowing that you are saving the earth is heady stuff. I try to recycle 8 or 9 beer bottles each day in an effort to do my part. Lardass told me that he turns his condoms inside out to get an extra use before recycling them. I tod him that he should go unrotected since his main squeeze Sally Five Fingers is unlikely to get knocked-up. "It's to keep from getting STD's" he retorted.
Singular not plural
6/5/2003
Alas I am the last of the famed Dumpfucks. The other lice-infested creatures have cleaned out their lockers and have gone mincing off to pound their puds somewhere else. Good riddence. They all sucked anyway, like Monica Lewinsky only fatter and more bovine. My stuff was always the best, according to the Fan Mail.
So. I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round. I just had to let it go....
The Late Great DFM
Warning: This dump is subject to closing or evolving without warning. If you have seen the Tremors series, you know what I am talking about.
posted by Dennis at 4:15 PM
6/4/2003
Truth
I am sure Martha Stewart and Sammy Sosa are just the unwitting victims of people who have framed them. And Hillary - why would she lie?
So those nattering naybobs who want to throw merde on our national heroes are just mean spirited pricks.
"At the dump. we stand behind our leading members." I lectured to the group gathered around the TV in the cobhouse.
"Yah, so It's easier to stab them in the back"
"Shut up Lardass before I pop a cap in you ass." I aimed a loaded gun at him with malicious intent. The other dumpfucks scattered like cockroaches.
He shut up. But I pulled the trigger anyway. One. Two. Three. But the caulking gun misfired, and goo shot all over my shoes and pants. I spent the next 20 minutes cleaning sealant off the linolium floor. Veritas.
posted by Dennis at 8:45 PM
5/31/2003
Pococurantism
The denizens of this dump are becoming lazy and fat, if I may say so. There is mental litter everywhere you look. Airborne junk, flying in the brisk breezes of apathy. Plastic bags hooked on chain link fences wave like angry flags. Newspapers scuttle across the tarmac blowing nobody any good news. Aluminum cans and take-out trays clink and clash as they tumble before the east wind. Lordy, what a fucking dump. Someone needs to clean this all up before Jesus returns and condemns us all to perdition.
Alas I am the last of the famed Dumpfucks. The other lice-infested creatures have cleaned out their lockers and have gone mincing off to pound their puds somewhere else. Good riddence. They all sucked anyway, like Monica Lewinsky only fatter and more bovine. My stuff was always the best, according to the Fan Mail.
So. I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round. I just had to let it go....
The Late Great DFM
Warning: This dump is subject to closing or evolving without warning. If you have seen the Tremors series, you know what I am talking about.
posted by Dennis at 4:15 PM
6/4/2003
Truth
I am sure Martha Stewart and Sammy Sosa are just the unwitting victims of people who have framed them. And Hillary - why would she lie?
So those nattering naybobs who want to throw merde on our national heroes are just mean spirited pricks.
"At the dump. we stand behind our leading members." I lectured to the group gathered around the TV in the cobhouse.
"Yah, so It's easier to stab them in the back"
"Shut up Lardass before I pop a cap in you ass." I aimed a loaded gun at him with malicious intent. The other dumpfucks scattered like cockroaches.
He shut up. But I pulled the trigger anyway. One. Two. Three. But the caulking gun misfired, and goo shot all over my shoes and pants. I spent the next 20 minutes cleaning sealant off the linolium floor. Veritas.
posted by Dennis at 8:45 PM
5/31/2003
Pococurantism
The denizens of this dump are becoming lazy and fat, if I may say so. There is mental litter everywhere you look. Airborne junk, flying in the brisk breezes of apathy. Plastic bags hooked on chain link fences wave like angry flags. Newspapers scuttle across the tarmac blowing nobody any good news. Aluminum cans and take-out trays clink and clash as they tumble before the east wind. Lordy, what a fucking dump. Someone needs to clean this all up before Jesus returns and condemns us all to perdition.
