Awkward Moment

So there I was sitting at the bar at the British Beer Company, my favorite watering hole when I am in Hyannis, drinking a beer with my newest friend - the driver of the maroon Hummer. He says his real name is Marvin, but I should call him 'Zemo'. We were still chuckling about the contretemps at the intersection with the global warming kids. "Hell, when I saw them I thought it was gonna be a car wash. I like it when the chicks get soapy on my car. But, this bunch of treehugger wussys..." he snorted.

I followed his eyes, which seemed to be trying to focus on something behind me, and turned around to see that we were being glared-at harshly by an untanned, bespeckled woman who had come into the bar with two small black dogs on leashes and a plastic bag containing what appeared to be dog doo. "You two are not funny!" she said by way of introduction. 

"You ruined that demonstration of exuberance by those lovely innocent young people. They were just having fun, and you spoiled the moment. You are not funny or brave, you should be ashamed of yourself with your drunken behavior. 

"Madam" Zemo burped the word, "I trust that you are not referring to moi when you are talking about dipsomaniacal behavior. I have not had but 4 or 5 beers today - not counting breakfast of course. I assure you that am a long way from drunk. Besides - I am not the one carrying dogshit around in a plastic bag as if it was a perfectly normal thing to do. So, if we want to open up the door of shame..."

"You think you are funny. I think you are ..." she hesitated, just long enough for Freddy the bartender who was witnessing this scenario to interject, "Hey lady, get them fucking mutts out of my bar before I call the cops!"

Looking as if she had been goosed with an umbrella, the woman stood her ground. "I think you should clean up your language young man!  Whereupon she turned and marched out into the sunlight, with the dogs trailing, wagging their tails.

I turned back to the bar, peeled a $50 bill off my roll, smoothed it out on the varnished wooden bar and grinned at the bartender, "Freddy, kindly get another beer for me and my friend Zemo here. And ... pour a little something for yourself."