Today we are getting a break from the sweltering heat wave we have been getting in Metrowest. It's only 80 right now, but the humidity has backed off to a slightly uncomfortable range on the Richter dew point scale.
I was sitting at my desk in the new air conditioned doublewide that I call my office, wondering why A/C did not stand for "air cooling" rather than "air conditioning." The new clock that Lardass had found in a dumpster, indicated that it was noon. Actually, there weren't any numbers on the clock face, It was one of those modern designs where you just know what time it is because you know what the clock face is supposed to look like. There must be a word for that sort of artistic cheating, I mused. The owner had probably been having trouble with some of the mid quadrant times like 8:25. That would account for the fact that he or she threw a working time piece into the dumpster. A shrink once told me that throwing usable items in the dumpster instead of bringing them to the "Take and Leave" area was often an act of rage. He may have been projecting his own anger problems, however. He was always saying things like "Even a stopped clock is right twice a day."
At any rate, I found the numberless clock only slightly less annoying than the old clock that had com from an ancient schoolhouse and had Roman Numerals on it.
"Why the fuck can't they just standardize clockfaces," I asked to no one. The place was empty. The crew was out hauling and shredding and front-end-loading.
If the clock was indeed operating correctly, the lads would be in for lunch break any second. I needed to look busy, just in case. So I cranked-up the PC and brought up one of my "budget" spread sheets.
During the lunch break, the conversation covered the usual topics:
The Fighting in Lebanon - Lardass was wondering why the terrorists and their supporters were always crying crocodile tears over the terrible killing of women and children. Perhaps, he mused, if they did not shoot their rockets off from the schoolyards and hospital parking lots (while aiming at Israeli women and children), the Israelis would be bombing military targets. Perhaps the cowardly militants were crying because the bombs were cutting into their supply of future suicide bombers and the uteri that produce them. Lardass can be crude sometimes but often he is spot on.
Health Issues - Bill was wearing his flu mask and surgical gloves. He wanted me to turn the A/C down because he was afraid of catching a cold. I asked him if he was asking me to turn the thermostat on the A/C up to a higher temperature. He just called me a nitpicker and stomped out to eat his "lunch" in his truck. I think he prefers the smell of wet dog in the summer to the aroma of Lardass anyhow.
Global Warming - George refuses to acknowledge that it has been hotter than a mutherfucker for the past month. It's just a seasonal aberration, a wobble and a kink in the jet stream that is responsible for unseasonable warmth, he says. Lardass expressed gratitude that he did not have to drive through the big dig tunnels during rush hour traffic. Imagine sitting there wondering about the melting point of the epoxy that holds up those 3 ton concrete ceiling panels.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Monday, July 17, 2006
The Gift of Disappointment
It was one of those sultry mornings that you read about in a Faulkner novel. The air was heavy like a steambath at 7:30am and not a cloud in the sky to offer the hope of any relief from the scorching sun. But this is not Mississippi, I mused, this is Massachusetts. This global warming thing is real - and we need to find someone to blame.
The crew was already inside when I arrived at the new doublewide that I call my office. We had it shipped-in last week, compliments of FEMA. They had a lot of surplus trailers leftover from the Katrina affair, so I applied for one. No questions asked, they shipped it in by helicopter.
I love the spacious windows and of course the air conditioning will make these stifling dog days of summer almost bearable. The crew was also pleased to move-up from the old cobb shack. We dismantled it and stored it in the seasonal storage area, just in case some snoopy auditer figures-out where the doublewides went. Such oversight is highly unlikely, but you never know.
We had already used the Homeland Security grant to upgrade our dumpsters. We called in a design consultant who thought stainless steel would look really state of the art. This created a bit of a conundrum as no one knew how to dispose of used dumpsters. After some brainstorming we came up with a solution. We floated them down the Charles River out to the Boston harbor on barges, and then, well, splash.
We like to think of them as an "artificial reef".
This morning, the guys were buzzing this morning about the big dig. A section of ceiling in the tunnel crashed down on a car one morning last week, killing a woman. The newspapers and TV crews were delighted to have some real breaking news. They were all aflutter with interviews with experts, grieving relatives, and of course live video of workmen standing in front of a pile of rubble.
And of course there were the politicians. The Gov cancelled his vacation and traveling plans. He expressed some surprise that the big dig had actually been open and operational for several years. But he is a busy man and does not get into Boston that often since he has been running for President on 2008. The attourny General, who BTW is a candidate for Gov, called press conferences to announce that his office was investigating the entire Big Dig as a "crime scene." He immediately ordered 30,000,000 yards of yellow tape and closed the tunnels to traffic indefinitely. Everyone pointed fingers at the current Turnpike Authority Chairman, who declared that the tunnels are 96% safe. "A few cave-ins every now and then are to be expected." He noted that "hundreds of people die from bee stings every year and only one person has died in tunnel collapses . So what's the big friggin' deal?"
George was annoyed. "Getting to the Race track will be a pain in the ass of months."
"Not to mention the Airport," I added.
Lardass recalled Microsoft founder Bill Gates’ recent announcement that he wants to give most of his fortune away to help others. "How about giving some of the cash to fix the tunnels?"
George scowled "First maybe he should give some of it to Microsoft to get them to fix some of the security flaws in Windows."
Bill (not the Microsoft founder) was wearing wearing his anti-bird-flu mask. He looked like Japanese railway commuter. "Any one got any aspirin?"
In the morning paper there was a letter asking about the protocol for giving lottery tickets as a gift. A mother had received some scratch tickets from her daughter as a birthday present. One of the tickets paid $10,000. The mother gave $2,000 of it to the daughter as a generous gesture of appreciation. The daughter was pissed. "You should give me half!" she demanded. "But I thought it was a gift," explained the mother. Now the daughter will not talk to the mother. And the mother wishes she had gotten a potholder or flowers instead of the scratch tickets.
There is an inherent problem with giving lottery tickets as gifts. Odds are you are giving disappointment. But in the unlikely event that the recipient hits it big, you are expecting a kickback, right? So really it is just a cynical, selfish way of making others as unhappy and disappointed as you are. You sorry cheap bastard.
The crew was already inside when I arrived at the new doublewide that I call my office. We had it shipped-in last week, compliments of FEMA. They had a lot of surplus trailers leftover from the Katrina affair, so I applied for one. No questions asked, they shipped it in by helicopter.
I love the spacious windows and of course the air conditioning will make these stifling dog days of summer almost bearable. The crew was also pleased to move-up from the old cobb shack. We dismantled it and stored it in the seasonal storage area, just in case some snoopy auditer figures-out where the doublewides went. Such oversight is highly unlikely, but you never know.
We had already used the Homeland Security grant to upgrade our dumpsters. We called in a design consultant who thought stainless steel would look really state of the art. This created a bit of a conundrum as no one knew how to dispose of used dumpsters. After some brainstorming we came up with a solution. We floated them down the Charles River out to the Boston harbor on barges, and then, well, splash.
We like to think of them as an "artificial reef".
This morning, the guys were buzzing this morning about the big dig. A section of ceiling in the tunnel crashed down on a car one morning last week, killing a woman. The newspapers and TV crews were delighted to have some real breaking news. They were all aflutter with interviews with experts, grieving relatives, and of course live video of workmen standing in front of a pile of rubble.
And of course there were the politicians. The Gov cancelled his vacation and traveling plans. He expressed some surprise that the big dig had actually been open and operational for several years. But he is a busy man and does not get into Boston that often since he has been running for President on 2008. The attourny General, who BTW is a candidate for Gov, called press conferences to announce that his office was investigating the entire Big Dig as a "crime scene." He immediately ordered 30,000,000 yards of yellow tape and closed the tunnels to traffic indefinitely. Everyone pointed fingers at the current Turnpike Authority Chairman, who declared that the tunnels are 96% safe. "A few cave-ins every now and then are to be expected." He noted that "hundreds of people die from bee stings every year and only one person has died in tunnel collapses . So what's the big friggin' deal?"
George was annoyed. "Getting to the Race track will be a pain in the ass of months."
"Not to mention the Airport," I added.
Lardass recalled Microsoft founder Bill Gates’ recent announcement that he wants to give most of his fortune away to help others. "How about giving some of the cash to fix the tunnels?"
George scowled "First maybe he should give some of it to Microsoft to get them to fix some of the security flaws in Windows."
Bill (not the Microsoft founder) was wearing wearing his anti-bird-flu mask. He looked like Japanese railway commuter. "Any one got any aspirin?"
In the morning paper there was a letter asking about the protocol for giving lottery tickets as a gift. A mother had received some scratch tickets from her daughter as a birthday present. One of the tickets paid $10,000. The mother gave $2,000 of it to the daughter as a generous gesture of appreciation. The daughter was pissed. "You should give me half!" she demanded. "But I thought it was a gift," explained the mother. Now the daughter will not talk to the mother. And the mother wishes she had gotten a potholder or flowers instead of the scratch tickets.
There is an inherent problem with giving lottery tickets as gifts. Odds are you are giving disappointment. But in the unlikely event that the recipient hits it big, you are expecting a kickback, right? So really it is just a cynical, selfish way of making others as unhappy and disappointed as you are. You sorry cheap bastard.
