Reprise of one of my favorites

Over The River & Across The Tracks

It was a chilly afternoon, as we headed to Granny Gert's house for the annual Thanksgiving Feast. We were bundled-up because Pap made Uncle Gelbert drive the old Pink and White Nash Rambler wagon while he sat in the shotgun seat with the window open. Pap was pretty hung-over and he kept ralphing out the window. We - Maw, Throck, and me sat in back. We were used to Pap's hangovers and the lingering smell of his vomit oneverything.

We were, of course, late. We were late for everything, except the time me and Throck were born back in Montana on the way to the hospital. That was the one time we were early for anything. Still, Maw always said we could've made it to the hospital except Pap was at the roadhouse when the first contractions came and she had to wait two hours before him to get home to take her to the hospital.

When we arrived at Granny Gert's trailer, we piled out of the car. Granny's dogs greeted us in the usual fashion - barking raucously,jumping up and down, and looking for a leg to hump. "Git back youlot!" She shouted coming down the steps waving a cattle prod. Me andThrock looked at each other wondering if she meant us or the dogs. The dogs thought it was them and they instantly fell into a tongue hanging heap near the trailer steps. Then she went over to where Pap and uncle Gelbert were standing. "Georgie! Gelbert! You two boys!" They eyed her suspiciously. "Give us a hug." She bellowed. They complied meekly. "I see you haven't changed your naughty ways, Georgie." she said to Pap, nodding to the flecks of puke dripping fromthe side and rear panel of the Rambler. He shrugged. We all went inside to warm up.

Maw had brought a package of frozen peas and another of frozen squash. Pap produced a 5th of Gallo Creme Sherry from a brown bag and waved itover his head like it was the US open winners trophy. We all applaudedapprovingly, except Gramps who hadn't even noticed us arrive. He sat in a ratty old chair facing the TV watching the football game on a small black and white screen. Granny, who was returning from the cupboard with a tray of jelly glasses, nodded towards Gramps with her head, "Somebody go and shake him. His hearing aid batteries went dead last month and he hasn't been much for conversation lately."

Pap went over and stood infront of him. "Hi dad," he grinned toothlessly. The old man looked at him, seeming not to recognize him for a moment. Then he broke into a big smile. "Georgie, hey, sit down. Watch the game. Did you bring anything to drink?"

Dinner was predictable. Granny heated a frozen turkey loaf in the microwave and poured a can of beef gravy over it. She had mixed-up a batch of instant whipped potatoes, and had fried the green peas in apan. Each little pea had a burn mark, which she instantly renamed 'black-eyed green peas". She proudly announced that she had bought new plastic utensils for the occasion and Chinette plates and cups. Even though we were 20 years old, me and Throckmorton had to take our plates to a card table in the living room while "the adults" - Granny, Gramps, Gelbert, Pap and Maw crowded around the breakfast nook. There was a hair in my gravy. But I wasn't hungry anyway. Halfway through the meal Granny remembered the Squash, which was thawing on the counter. "Save your plates everybody, we can have this for desert. And don't nobody throw away them new plastic cutlery!"
After all the remnants of the meal had been cleared and piled in thesink, we sat watching the end of the football game, cleaning our teeth with individually wrapped toothpicks, like the ones you get at the chinese restaurant.

It had gotten dark, so Granny turned on a few more lamps. We heard a truck pull-up outside. Young Billy came through thedoor, red-faced from the cold, but beaming. "Hi everybody, sorry I'm late. There was a wreck on the highway. Look what I got!" He held up a bloody wallet that looked like it was thick with a wad of bills, and a severed finger with a large diamond ring still on it.
Gramps stared at the swag and then asked hopefully, "Didn't you bring anything to drink?"