Mobile Aggravation

Ok, some of you people out there are starting to piss me off. Sorry if you see yourself here but if so you should know what a thoughtless boor you are.

Yes, I'm talking to you if you are the slovenly dressed matron at the deli counter in the supermarket today. You were calling attention to un-comely self by talking loudly into one of those hands-free cell phones. Not only were you rudely yakking loudly as if you were talking to someone accross the room, but the content of your side of the conversation revealed you to be a twit of the first order. And loudly announcing your order for a pound of ham did not enhance your standing. Most of us in hearing range were imagining and possibly hoping for a Mama Cass deathbed scene with the EMT's vainly trying to clear the way with a plumber's plunger.

Yes I am also talking to you - cute young thing at Starbucks. I was gratified to learn that your roomate has finally got those silicon puppies she has been wanting for so long. And I was pleased to hear how natural they looked. You have a nice tan too, and I would not spoil your day to remind you that at 37 your skin will l resemble the hide of an African elephant. Your inconsiderate loud talking shows how shallow you are; and I notice that your black Beamer is parked in the handicapped space. You are so right to assume that the cops never bother the violators here at coffee central. No one in a wheelchair would waste their precious energy to get in there to spend twice as much as it costs at White Hen Pantry for a cup of coffee.

Yes I am talking to you, at the restaurant drawing attention to yourself by your silly ring-tone (The Theme from Hawaii Five-O) and your self-important "I need to tak this call." But do you politely excuse yourself and walk out to the lobby or even outside to talk? No, of course not, because you are an asshole. You thoughtlessly freeze the conversation of your dinner mates by talking to some interloper who happens to have your cell phone number. You think it is entertaining to the others?

Yes, I am talking to all of you self centered spoiled brats and your mobile devices. Go ahead and yak your heads off. You have spawned the next big wave of technology which is coming soon: The Mobile Connection Zapper. These devices which jamm any nearbye cell phone connection are already available and employed in Europe.

I cannot wait to get my hands on one.