Cravat Envy

The lads were on their afternoon coffee break. Lardass was catching a catnap, tilting his chair against the wall on the back legs just like I was always telling him not to do.
Bill was reading the morning paper. As usual he was wearing latex gloves to protect him from germs. He shouted. "As if we didn't already have enough to worry about, look at this! He held up his newspaper "I knew it! It says your doctor's neckties can harbor colonies of dangerous bacteria. They wash their hands but their ties collect and carry germs from patient to patient."

"Really?" said George, who was doing the Times crossword puzzle with an ink pen. "How many necktie related deaths have been documented?"

Bill did not detect the sarcasm of George's inquiry. "Yeah, countless people have probably contracted some dreaded disease just going in for a physical exam."

"Freudians believe that the tie is a phallic symbol." said George glancing in my direction. "A statement of size, I believe. Big tie, big unit. That's what they say, anyway. I have long ago given up the primitive practice of wearing a tie."

Suddenly, I was feeling uneasy about my uniform. Since I am management, I insist on a strict dress code for myself to discriminate me from the common workers. I usually wear clean clothes, a white shirt and, as a personal trademark I have a large collection of fashionable bow ties...

"Hey, it's getting warm in here!" I said, loosening my collar button and stuffing the tie in the top drawer.
"And, besides, break time is over."