Like a lost lottery ticket in a snowstorm, the truth is often elusive. So it is here at the Dump, where we conduct a 24-7 experiment in searching for the Truth with a capital T. Sometimes, the Search for Truth is a lot like searching for cashews in the snack bowl that they put out at the bar to make you drink more beer: you probe the bowl with an unsanitary finger (that same finger has not been washed despite several bathroom visits - without the momentary feeling of guilt that you have contaminated the rest of the contents of the bowl. Other times, Truth is found in the reactions of those who do not welcome being "crotched" by your dog.
Yes, 'Tis is a noble calling...
Ha!, you might interrupt. How are you going to find Truth ruminating in the symbolic garbage of suburbia? Isn't your so-called Dump merely a fictitious creation of a warped imagination depicting the entropy of our post-modern world? A place where you can lampoon your friends' personal idiosyncrasies and even make a lot of stuff up, all the while making You - the DFM - seem like an innocent, defect-free character?

Hey, don't shoot the messenger here. At least I never bet against the team. I had a stop order on those shares of Imclone. I would slit my wrists before I would harm a child. And I did not have sex with that woman - Miss Lewinsky. Truth.

Note to Customers: At the Dump, we are going back to the Threat-level-lower-than-Orange.
Due to budget constraints, we will be dismissing the security guards that we hired to guard the plutonium and anti-matter recycle areas. Hmmn - checking the attendance records, it appears that none of them have reported for duty since Boxing Day.

I was studying the bird sightings report in the newspaper when Lardass came in. He had been put in charge of the security detail, so I asked him how come they had not been showing-up.
"Aw, I canned them last week." he said. "I mean, what do we need guards for? Why would anyone want to blow up a dump? Besides, we shipped all the recyclable WMD components to the Moustapha Childrens relief fund."
I gives me a warm feeling to know we are saving the children through our parsimony.