One of the least desirable aspects of Spring is Patriots Day in the western suburbs. Instead of contemplating the meaning of patriotism, the sacrifices of brave freedom fighters or the fruits of liberty, we will be suffering the indignities of the Boston Marathon.
Now, I have nothing against people who want to run for exercise or even people who desire the competition of a race. And, there are those losers who will line the route to watch them. But, why does it have to be in our neighborhoods?
So-called Athletes tend to be a narcissistic lot. There are disgusting reports of the behavior of runners congregated at the starting point in Hopkinton, pissing and shitting on people's lawns and shrubs, salving their genitals with vaseline, and even women changing tampons in public. This is intolerable behavior.
Because of the race, which runs 26 miles or so into Boston. The route is blocked off for the better part of the day. Emergency vehicles cannot cross the route, so they must find long cuts and alternative routes. Let's hope there are no fires or heart attacks in the neighboring locale, because help may have to go miles out of the way to get to you.
Isn't it absurd that the state police will close the thruway and snarl-up traffic for hours, rather than drag an accident victim off the highway to let the innocent bystanders pass by - But they seem have no problem risking lives because of a stupid race?
About four miles of the race route runs through our town. The trash from the discarded drink cups and bottles from the runners, not to mention the garbage left behind by spectators forces us to stay open for an extra shift on Tuesday processing, baling and dumping in the harbor.
Humbug.
Thursday, April 15, 2004
Saturday, April 03, 2004
Every Dump needs a Fixman
“You mean THE WMD’s that our inspectors and troops have been looking for?”
“The crates have 'Made in USA' stenciled all over them.” That would prove they were from Saddam’s hidden bunkers, since we gave them to him in the first place.
“Ok. Let me think. I’ll get back to you in a minute.” I hung up.
My hands were shaking. How would this look on my record, on top of everything else? The Board would be shitting bricks if the news got out that our town dump was not only storing the most volatile and dangerous substances on earth, but that there existence here would mean that Bush might try to find a link to the terrorists and attack us! I could get fired. I needed an idea.
The best solution for all concerned was to get the materials back to Iraq where they could be discovered. That way they could prove that Saddam was planning foul deeds, and then Bush could swagger himself back into the White House. The recent rumors that Kerry might consider Hillary Clinton as a running mate was heinous yet believable. I have been thinking ABB but now it’s BIH.
I dialed Lardass.
“Yeah, boss, what’s the deal?”
“Ok here it is. We need a couple of - you know - black helicopters over here - stat, We gotta get this shit back to Iraq.
“ Ok, give me an hour.”
“Really?”
“Go home. It’s almost done.”
I must say that Lardass is the kind of friend and subordinate you need in this life. Loyal. Smart, Meticulous, totally lacking in scruples. There are too few of his ilk on the staff, I mused.
“The crates have 'Made in USA' stenciled all over them.” That would prove they were from Saddam’s hidden bunkers, since we gave them to him in the first place.
“Ok. Let me think. I’ll get back to you in a minute.” I hung up.
My hands were shaking. How would this look on my record, on top of everything else? The Board would be shitting bricks if the news got out that our town dump was not only storing the most volatile and dangerous substances on earth, but that there existence here would mean that Bush might try to find a link to the terrorists and attack us! I could get fired. I needed an idea.
The best solution for all concerned was to get the materials back to Iraq where they could be discovered. That way they could prove that Saddam was planning foul deeds, and then Bush could swagger himself back into the White House. The recent rumors that Kerry might consider Hillary Clinton as a running mate was heinous yet believable. I have been thinking ABB but now it’s BIH.
I dialed Lardass.
“Yeah, boss, what’s the deal?”
“Ok here it is. We need a couple of - you know - black helicopters over here - stat, We gotta get this shit back to Iraq.
“ Ok, give me an hour.”
“Really?”
“Go home. It’s almost done.”
I must say that Lardass is the kind of friend and subordinate you need in this life. Loyal. Smart, Meticulous, totally lacking in scruples. There are too few of his ilk on the staff, I mused.
